Support Styles: Principles for Giving and Receiving What’s Needed
Social support is defined as both “the perception and actuality that one is cared for, has assistance available from other people and is part of a supportive social network.” (Jason M. Satterfeld, PhD. 2013)
There are 4 types of social support we give one another, and understanding them can have a big impact on your wellness and relationships. Authentic connections with others are the most powerful external variable in resilience - our ability to survive, cope, grow and flourish through challenging circumstances.
The 4 Types of Social Support
Emotional Support
Someone who will listen and to whom you can express your emotions, a shoulder to cry on so to speak. We all need these outlets.
Informational Support
Someone to discuss ideas with or whom we go to for advice. A mentor, trusted colleague, or peer support advisor. Someone who helps you solve problems.
Tangible or Practical Support
This is your friend with a strong back or who is a great cook. They might not be great with emotional support or problem solving, but they’ll help you implement your plan or pick up slack in other areas of your life. They might pick up your kids, mow your lawn, cook a meal, etc.
Communal Support
Someone who calls and checks in on you or invites you out with a group. They make you feel connected to a community. This may be our social friends who organize group activities.
We can strengthen our connections by being more aware of both the type of support we want or need, and our own style of giving support. We do this naturally when we ask our strong neighbor to help move something heavy, or ask our partner their thoughts about something that has been on our mind.
Here is a classic example of how knowing what kind of support is being asked for and offered affects our relationships. Let’s say our partner tells us about a problem they are facing because they want to express their feelings and want to be heard, and we respond with advice and practical actions they could take to address the root of the problem. They were seeking emotional support and we provided informational or tangible support. This creates a sense of dissatisfaction for both sides - it does not feel good for either one of you.
Giving and receiving are the two sides of the social support coin and, like it or not, we will be on both sides.
To make the concept more than academic to you, let’s explore your perspectives. Do you have a strong preference or set of beliefs about giving and receiving help? For many (likely most of us), we’d rather give help than have to ask for it. I won’t go deep into this here, other than to urge you to explore the source and validity of your perspective. This much is true though, none can get through this life alone - indeed we were built to do the exact opposite.
Key Points
When giving support, play to your strengths where you can but more importantly, do your best to give what’s being asked of you.
Using our strengths supports well-being by creating satisfaction and appreciation of ourselves and others. Focusing on opportunities to use your strengths makes you more likely to engage with others and life, which has a host of benefits. Also, hopefully you’ll suck less at what you’re trying to do.
Recall the impact of connection. Trying your best to give the type of support someone needs will increase the depth of your relationship, benefiting you both.
To Wrap Up…
What is your preferred or default mode of providing support of the four listed above?
Be aware of the type of support being sought from you
Take advantage of opportunities to provide your preferred type of support
Increase connection by providing the type of support asked of you AND asking for the type of support you need
Increase satisfaction by providing the type of support you prefer to give.
Map out your support network. Who does or could provide various types of support? This can help you weather tough times by simply knowing you have help if you need it. It’s a sneaky well-being skill.
A note for those who are particularly firefighters or emergency first responders: Our formal roles at work often constrain our interactions and the type of support we can give. Still, being aware of the type of support wanted or needed can improve the overall experience when we speak to this aspect and provide or suggest resources.
